who knows

so i've been away...not just from blogging but a lot of things it seems... life's been different this last year... different than ever. good? bad? better? worse? who knows... i'm different. who am i now? who knows...is it all because of a boy or would it have happened anyway? who knows? maybe i'm not as good of a person as i was before...i'm sure a lot of people think i'm not... does it matter? probably... are things going to change? well, they are... gradually..nothing all at once, but they already are...they have been...the Lord's around... i'm finding more proof about all the truth in my verse "draw near to God and He will draw near to you..." ...i think a lot of my life has been driven by curiousity about what's going on here and there.... and then feeling the need to do to be... i need to go to church, speak up, and live outstandingly to be righteous and passionate.... is it true? that's what i've been thinkin lately... i do want to make a difference...i want the love of God to run through me into the lives of others... maybe i've just been selfish lately huh? me? selfish? surely not... but if anything i've learned that anything can happen to anyone.... think you'll never fall to that? "pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall" prov. 16:18...
Lord, speak to me.
guess i need saved from myself...