Wednesday, March 24, 2010

free form

that old world don't seem so far
i look outside all askew
cuz this new world has all blown up all brightly
this new world is so new
i've lost you my friend
i've lost you my friend

i've changed my ways
and nobody knows it
i've turned my back to what's old
i've changed my ways
yeah nobody knows it
yet my chest keeps getting cold

i lose my eyes
with all the lies
so i've turned my ways
against the grains
and i put on a happy face
and i put on a happy face
this old brew
brings something new
and i pull away from you
and i moved away from you

i've changed my ways
and nobody knows it
i've turned my back to what's old
i've changed my ways
yeah nobody knows it
but my chest keeps getting cold

maybe this summer soon
i'll find something new
but now....i won't remember you
and i...can't remember you
perhaps this season
i'll find some reason
and i won't remember you
yeah i won't remember you
stars light up my skies now
and i don't remember why
oh why
i fell so deep for you
why i
fell so deeply for you

i've changed my ways
and nobody knows it
i've turned my back to what's old
i've changed my ways
yeah nobody knows it
somehow my chest keeps getting cold

Monday, March 22, 2010


your little lines
they stretch out wide
they come into view
from the side
comfort me
intwine me
get thru my window
inside me
rains shine down
rains shine down
drop your crumbs on me
it's hard to see
through the trees
of shame and responsibility
i must see
dreams get lost in the snow
dig around
dig around
uncover your prize
drop the lies
let me see

i chased you down and she took you from me
stole you right out from under my sleeve
moving out to sunshine and sea
fir trees and mountains, the flesh of me
oh dream big keep dreaming on
tho the world holds you and shoves you along
stand straight stand tall don't fear it all
it can't hold you down, anyway not long
not long

Thursday, March 18, 2010


got some curtains for my window
block out the bright of day
keep eyes from seeing inward
when night reveals the sway
a show of lack of fatherhood
and all that talk of space
time went gone just yesterday
careful what you miss in your haste
dress of mine i wore was green
eyes got greener with the day
food in my fridge goes bad
and i ate out today
coffee house crush walked right on by
without too much to say
even sara sits waiting
waiting to be played

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

st. patrick's day.

today i had class again. blast these early morning, late evening 8 hour days. i'm not sure how people do it every week, 48-51 weeks out of the year.
there's a woman from sierra leone in some of my classes. she's going to work on the same floor as me as a tech. i convinced her to eat lunch with me. how dark her eyes were, how her lip quivered sometimes when she was talking, how she held her arms up and vigorously pounded them twice in the air as she said the world 'strong'....with a rolling 'r' and powerful voice....made me miss hellen, my dear friend in cameroon. i wish i knew how to make her life more comfortable. i miss her.
there's another woman in my class who i made friends with the first day. she's older too. she told me about her romantic getaway she's planning to las vegas with her woman. we eat together at most of the meals in these group class things. she showed me their picture. she saw me later at kroger and yelled out my name and waved. it's always nice seeing a familiar face when you're feeling lonely and can't find anyone to go out and have a green beer with you on st. patrick's day.

as i came home i tried my damnedest to find some friends to hang out and celebrate the day of my favorite color, the day that brings out my join me for a green beer or two. no luck. so instead i played my guitar and realized it wasn't such a bad way to spend the holiday. i ran some 2 miles and when i got home i turned on some irish rock music and i made a batch of beer bread and put it in the oven while i cleaned up real fresh with a hot shower and a shave. i put on a green dress and used an eye lash curler. all in time to pull out the bread and butter it to have a slice while it was hot. i felt irish a little bit. i poured myself a beer in my finest wine glass. i made an attempt to bring my closest neighbor some bread, but he wasn't home. so i headed up the steps all barefoot with my hair still wet, plate in hand with some barely steaming, buttery bread.

so i just got back from the upstairs apartment talking with gail and john about their rat visitors, their children in florida living with gail's sister, their new cat, and all the stuff they find in trash cans sometimes. john says he'll look for a kitchen table or a bicycle for me. they also offered me some internet service and refused any payment. gail just talks and talks and john just smiles and agrees innocently with big warm eyes. i wondered how i was ever afraid of him that first day i saw him coming suspiciously from across the street right behind me. we live in the same building...and he didn't say hello because he's shy. i like them. tonight when i was leaving, gail thought the cat had escaped out the window and i could tell she really got nervous. then john got up and started looking everywhere too. then the cat came out from behind the entertainment cupboard. guess they've already fallen in love with it. i like them. just pure people.

and here i am. with the remnants of my first beer in my wine glass.
a day of work behind me. one ahead.
and i guess some sort of friends upstairs.
thankful i didn't have to spend st. patrick's day alone.

some how we all need eachother.

Monday, March 15, 2010


last night around 2am i thought someone was in my kitchen. i remembered nicole, the girl who lives on the first floor of the house, telling me about the time she thought she heard an animal in my part of the building. lovely. i reached out from my 5 ft loft bed to catch the light string from the ceiling fan. i tugged it and hoped my eyes would adjust in time to catch the critter. i hissed and declared loudly “you better get out of here!!!” there was a silence and then a scuffle as a 5 inch rat soon appeared around the kitchen corner and dove into the bathroom to escape behind the toilet. sweet.

today i had my first day of orientation.
well. technically it’s the second time i’ve done this orientation, but it was the first time this time around.
i realized i’ve been away from this kind of responsibility for near 6 months now. great.
i feel ready to get back to work though. and will definitely be glad when these 8 hours days of sitting and listening to people talking will be over.

i walked to and from the meeting dressed in grey, black, and a more red than maroon scarf.

on my way back up my metal black staircase i met an older weathered lady with dry golden hair. she seemed like she a healthy supply of energy as we discussed living in our apartment with the rats. her name is gail and she said she killed six of them already and generously offered me a trap. she was about to pass over the peanut butter too, but i declined. perhaps if she would’ve offered only a spoon full....
we discussed the appearance of rats and how they’d surprised her at random times lately, like when she and her partner were smoking pot on the couch. then we discussed how the guy that lives below her, but across the hall from me, must be on more than just pot because he’s so spaced all the time and plays his music loud til 4 in the morning. he wouldn’t even stop when she stomped on the floors. (could he hear you?) he stopped though after she told the landlord about it. (nice.) oh and by the way if i ever want to go up and just watch t.v. or hang out..(you mean smoke?)..then i’m more then welcome anytime. i told her i’d love to cook dinner sometime together, because i would. she rather got me excited about the kinds of neighbors i have now.

marianne and amanda came over for dinner. i made noodles and sauce for spaghetti and marianne brought salad supplies over and amanda brought bread. we couldn’t figure out how to light the pilot light on my stove so i went to call gail to see if she knew anything about it. she didn’t answer so i thought it was about time i visited my mysterious neighbor across the hall. judd came out all dazed and confused. he eagerly jumped into help try and figure out the problem. he was even kind of cute with his hair all messed up, but i’ll never know if i woke him up from a nap today. he seems like he’s too nice to mention something like that. come to find out i went to college with his brother for 3 years. small world. i sent him home with a bowl of spaghetti, some salad, and some garlic bread. he brought the bowls back, but i was catching up with marianne and amanda still. i’m sure i’ll see him later.
it’s definitely going to be fun building some type of renter-relationship with these people. maybe i’ll have them over for dinners on occasion. i’m very excited :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010


and so it begins.

this dreary rainy day.
guitar pulled from the corner.
sewing supplies taken down from the high closet shelf.
two different books opened to read.
new ink stains on my journal.

learning to entertain myself and be productive.
trying just to focus on one thing at a time. ...for longer than five minutes.

my hair is lucky i don’t have the internet.

perhaps i’ll go run a mile or two.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


i slept at home last night. just to see the kids off to school in the morning. my aunt and uncle are coming in from illinois this weekend so none of the kids will probably want to come to lexington with me on friday or saturday. understandable.

after they got on the bus i hung out at the house with my mom a bit. the oldest younger sister missed the bus so she was in a fowl mood because she didn’t want to be late, but i wanted to finish breakfast and spend another moment before i brought her in.

around 8:05 i got her there. i went to matt’s place to shower and nap in getting ready for my trip to lexington. i had an appointment to meet my new landlord for the keys to my new apartment. a small studio very near downtown and not too far from my favorite coffee shop. i arrived a little bit late but on time nonetheless. he handed over the keys with a side of long conversation and stories about his trip to south africa. i packed up whatever was in my car, which isn’t much. basically one box of books, one box of sewing fabrics, one box of food, and some bathroom accessories. no furniture yet.

jaron met me and helped me pack some things up and then we drove around town looking for discounts on household products and furniture. now i have handsoap, silverware, and things like that. the landlord left me a roll of toilet paper. nice.

just a minute ago there was a knock on my door. nicole from unit #1 just wanted to say hi and if i needed anything i should just let her know. she has a boyfriend named Ott. he apparently has long blonde hair. i can let him know if i need anything too, she says. i’ll invite them over for dinner once my place gets settled in. i like that she came by. nice and friendly of her.

i think i’ll like the new place.
hardwood floors and nice clean space...

Tuesday, March 02, 2010


the day before yesterday i went to lex with cakes, jess, and ang. we watched sita sings the blues at the library. it was awesome. i recommend it to anyone slightly curious/interested in Indian religion...or just something different. then we ate indian food. the indian guy totally let us come in to eat even though they were closed for the afternoon. exquisite.
we walked down the street to a book/awesome store afterwards. the most awesome store ever. we played with trinkets for at least an hour.
we went to the coffee shop after we were finished with the last store. i saw jack. i also saw steven. he went to south america recently but was too busy with a friend to talk about it.
around 1 i ran two blocks up the street to check out my possible new apartment. it wasn't bad looking outside but it was a rickety old white house. i climbed a crickety black metal staircase. the rooms had nice hardwood floors and management had done a great job refinishing the place. proper classy interior. in my book anyway.
studio with nice eat in kitchen.
i'd love to design the furniture for it and make it. we'll see.

so we came back that night and somehow i was convinced that going to nashville the next day was a good idea.

so yesterday cakes and i got up early enough to go say goodbye to my kids and see them on the bus. ...but then i realized i was an hour late with time. so we drove straight to nashville instead.

we hung out most of the day at his place. had big dreams of designing furniture. went to lunch at a Puckett's. Cakes showed me all the furniture he designed and created in his own house. it was very see his creations. ...and the possibilities.

jess was free in the evening so we went to meet her. Cakes bought us games at putt putt golf... glow in the dark even!!

jess found out she could stay that night and the next day. so we went home that evening and built a fire. well, cakes built it. he also brought me a glass of whiskey. i drew pictures in the stone hearth with ashes and told a story. we sat around it til it turned from a 3 ft pyramid to embers. then we watched tv til i fell asleep.

today we went to breakfast with isa. it was awesome.
now we're headed home. nice.