jesus

life... it's so vague. so huge. so broad. the unlimited possibilities. unlimited paths. why can't we believe that God is just as big and huge and broad and can look like so many different things- some of which no one has ever dreamed of.... i wonder if i portray him well. ..or if i've gone off some deep end.

i wrote to someone just today that i feel happy with my life. i feel happy where i am...here on my own, on this cement sewer cover, in the sun, with my water bottle by my side claiming that life is good, with 13 miles of biking behind me, and 12 hours of nursing ahead... i know life is good and that it takes time for things to change, for me to change...and sometimes things don't have to change. i feel like i'm not trying to convince myself that my life is full and good anymore. that it is. and it will become more so full and good as the days go by...walking next to God and learning from people around me. yes, goals are in place, but i'm not going to get there by racing...a steady pace wins the prize.

occasionally anxiety rises up. i'm fooling myself. it's not true. there's no hope yet. ....i've gone off the deep end and lost sight of the truth. but i close my eyes and reorient myself... the Lord is good. and i love him. and my hope is in him all the days long.

life...

i weep, not for the life lost but the life left. people live so broken. old wounds ulcerated by unforgiveness. if i could i would massage their heart...let it feel caressed for a moment. initiate a solution of love into their veins. that they might know Him. that they might know His love. perhaps my heart is healed only for now, only for this moment, but i feel whole...and only by His grace do I feel loved. how can i ignore His hand in my life? like a child i accept my Father's hand... let Him whisk me high above the land and rest for a moment in the truth that He says. I am His. I am good. and there something to hope for... so love..love...love... until the end.

success!!

Goals:
1)repay student loans (woooo!!!)
2)plane ticket to afreeka
3)nice digi cam

so far i'm on track..
thanks to the support of family and friends :)
and thanks to the Lord...

hope