I know it’s been so long. Reading through these stories is inspiring and yet cringeworthy in some cases. I am amazed by how much time has passed. How different I am. How much I am the same. Some posts make me want to write again. Some posts remind me of how many memories are just going to forever be missing because I stopped my writing. There are some little pockets of goodness sprinkled throughout. Could they be collected and turned into a mini memoir? Perhaps a book of poems?
How to compile all the years into one post. Impossible. I read of the hunger for life and adventure and her heart is the same: always wanting for more, always dreaming.
At this time, I am learning to be an artist. After 13 years of nursing, I have taken the last 9 months off (not exactly by choice, but more by circumstance) to pursue this original dream. Perhaps the fear of failure squashes my ambitions the most. That or my subconscious fear of fraudulence: Imposter Syndrome represented authentically. Was my dream of creating and being an artist just something bigger to hold onto? A shining light I pretended was there to make the shadows of life seem more tolerable?
I read: The only thing separating an artist and everyone else is the desire to create. Talent, so they say, is something you practice, not that you Have.
What a perspective, but one I’ve always told others. “You could do this too if you put in the time”. I could see on one hand how it seems to take away something from the artist by suggesting that “anyone can do it” so perhaps it’s less valuable? But on the other hand…who else will take the time to put their dreams out there for the world to love, criticize, take, admire, to have… Honestly, not to toot my own horn, but this path takes more bravery and strength than I realized. I have to believe in myself despite all other perspectives because even the words of my admirers don’t heal the cracks of insecurities.
I do want this, despite what you may think, despite my faltering along, my hesitations, my insistent delay of growth….I want this.
To follow my art and creative adventures:
@fiberandglaze on instagram
No comments:
Post a Comment