fractures and healing

 my life has been full of loss and leaving...
baby brother who passed away so young..
my bio dad..
leaving Oregon and my extended family at 6...
"losing" my parents to stress of farm life..

that first big break up... 

the loss of that friend group...

leaving the church in my 20s..

the loss of that community...

and now..

a divorce.

but what if i turn it...

what if i see the resilience that i have..

the desire for love and connection...

that baby...i loved him so big and always will..

my bio dad... his loss was my gain. perhaps an act of love was his leaving. 

so grateful to have experienced Oregon, those memories formed my love of the nature...

and i will forever feel the love my Grandma gave me so young...

i became independent, strong, resilient. 

I can take care of littles and developed such a love and gratitude for them..

Choosing to leave an unhealthy relationship was such a brave thing for me to do so young. 

And i did it. 

I found new friends...such are the waves of life. 

What a profound move, to leave the toxicity of religiosity and mysogyny...

to look for something bigger, more empowering, and positive...

I see I am resilient, searching for connection, for truth...

willing to leave it all behind and start over new if you must...

But not this time. 

This time...I have built friendships with people who value me.

This time...I have people who set aside their own things to connect.

This time... I am making my own safe space and I am going to fill it...

with love, color, light, art, hope, dreams, peace, and plants.

where it's okay to make a mess and spill your coffee.

it's okay to make mistakes, be late, and forget things.

it's okay to slow down and dream...