once

you're only here once, you know?

this moment.

this day.

this hour.

we all get second chances, third chances, fourth chances....etc... every new moment is the opportunity to start living out our dreams and begin to make the changes we've "always wanted to" in our lives. our past stays the same though....no chances to change yesterday.

you can go back and fix a seam or a stitch...but even then they've usually left a mark in the fabric. it's best to do it right the first time.

you're only here once.

and once is now.

be patient and put the needle in the right place.

is life so similar to needlework?

i wish we were given an outline whence we came into this world.

to oregon

my dreamland...

with her broad blue sky laced upon the outskirts with fir trees, yellow fields and mountains. where vibrant flowers flourish and rich sweet berries are merely a step away....

her coast, though drizzly and dark, still contains such powerful beauty and strength. i'm overcome with the silent roar of ocean that settles upon me, sweeps around me, drowns out my ideas of what could possibly be beyond it. her coolness pricks my ankles while her distance only grows as i look upon her.

it's odd that i feel so much for a place that is merely a place. people live and grow plants and ride bikes and have their hearts broken and mended and they die... just like anywhere. at times i wonder if my warmth for oregon and the west is merely a fancy birthed from the sweet memories of my youth. perhaps merely a serving of wanderlusting or wanting to be where i am not. you know the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side."

i have accepted that, should i ever again get to call her soil my own, life will not magically become all i could have ever hoped and dreamt for. i have accepted that oregon is not where i will have the supernatural revelation of what my purpose is in the world. i have understood that by merely implanting my being into her lush gardens my heart will not suddenly become whole.

those battles take place in the heart, in the space and energies of life around you, in the moment you find yourself in. now.

but i still love her.