adventure...

oh please lord..i want adventure
i want to climb trees and explore caves...
i want to fight my way to mountain tops...and
to race someone to the waters edge...
i want flight and fantasies...
to soar and live dreams...
i want heart-racing, dream-chasing adventure...
i want victorious salvation...
to conquer and complete...
to dance...
to run...
to see things i've never seen...
and taste things i've never heard of...
and live life abundantly...
i want to share...and laugh...and love....
i want to spin under the clouds until i fall to the grass in ecstacy...
i want to dive into clear cool waters...
and shake my hair dry in the breeze...
i want to eat leaves to survive...
to kiss in the rain...
and play hide and seek...
oh please lord..i want adventure...

thoughts of me..

i'm random..

inclined to explore the corners others pass by unknowingly...

and to balance on the edge of sidewalks and large cement parking blockers...

i lose focus pretty easily.. get lost in thoughts...

but i like to dance...

it's ok...just me, yeah?

looking back...

i'll probably be doing this again before the end of the year... but here it is, christmas eve of 2007. geez...where does the time go...

i've finished the hardest semester of my life.. i really didn't think i'd make it this far. i can't believe it. it's unreal. i'm kind of proud of myself. i feel like maybe i can possibly do anything. i can't imagine what it will feel like when i finish next semester.

pretty sure i clued him in.
i wonder if he'll come for me...
if he doesn't... it'll be okay....
i have so many things to share tho...
stories...discoveries... dreams... thoughts...adventures...family....
i think i'd like to share them with him...
but we'll see...

it's incredible to think of how much has happened since this time last year... i missed the Lord so much... my heart was so bare and broken... thank God for rescuing me... for loving me... for restoring my heart to the dances and dreams i reveled in before...
life with Him will be a dream...one way or another... i'm finally able to trust Him... i feel so safe and guarded...

His love is sweeter than life...

reality

i feel fake...
i feel like i'm not sure what reality is...
i'm not sure i really know how i feel...
or how i think...
i feel like i do things differently depending on who's around...
not necessarily intentionally...i guess i'm just that easily swayed...
i guess my opinions aren't that grounded...
is it wrong to be so flexible?
on some things, i think so...
on others...i think not...

sometimes i want to just go lay in the grass and stare up at the sky and let the world spin around me....
i haven't done it yet... it's usually been cold, i've been busy, or the ground is wet...

what would i be like if i were truly free from social norms, traditions, and laws?
free from opinions and expectations...?
free from the me that considers all those things?
what would i be?

trapped

MAN!!! i want to be FREE!!! i want to pack a bag and start walking!!

...but i have to study...
...i have to finish school...
...and i have to get my practice in...
...and i'm a girl...

UGH! LET ME GO!

yearning

so how do you go about praying for healing for someone?
how do you do it in love and humility?
....and how do you not freak out everyone around you....?

i wanted to talk to her...
i wanted to hear her voice...
i wanted to hear her heart...
i want you to touch her with what you've touched me with....

your heart is for healing
and restoration

for romance
and passion

your heart is for me
and her

i'm captivated...

desperation

so i was praying for this girl and i kept seeing this image of this child bowed down in desperation...

the only difference was that i saw a candle and not a vulture....

and there were thousands of these children laid out before me

i want to be so desperate for the Lord that if He doesn't meet my desires for Him then i'll die...

can we, who thrive on extra and abundance and supersized quantities, understand hunger?

can we, who are full of the teachings of man and have always had more than enough, understand desperation?

help

man...what would it take to change the world. to end hunger. to end poverty. to end war.
if it's ignorance that leaves us so self-consumed and apathetic...well, by all means send education...
but then you come to the complicities of finding enough teachers....
and how do you promote people to come to these 'classes'?
and how do you fund all of this?
and how do you convince people that they should be interested in the state of their neighbors on the opposite side of the globe?

how do you break the apathetic cloak that's been draped over us?
how do you crack the egocentric passions that have gained priority in our lives?

i want to stand at the top of the hills and scream out what's happening around us...
there is WAR...the killing of innocent people all in an ironic attempt to achieve peace.

there is HUNGER... approximately 30,000 people die everyday from starvation...of which approximately 85% are children younger than 5....while we squeeze once again into clothes one size bigger than last year's and scrape our heaving plates to our dogs when once again our eyes were bigger than our bellies...

there is POVERTY... children wake earlier than the sun to walk miles to school...with no shoes...wearing the same clothes they wore the day before and they day before and the day before.... while we have heaps of clothes we only wear once a year.... while we play hookie from free or available education to go shopping... while we buy 5 different kinds of one things because we like variety...

God forgive us.

could i?

could i follow those dreams and visions up steep mountains of poverty, into deep valleys of hunger and through dark places of war?
could i run alongside that desire for adventure...
and cheer on that thirst for more?
could i pray for that heart of passion... & respect that mind of wisdom?
could i take your hand to go explore?

.....hmm.....

right now at least i know i could swim in the clear bright warmth of those eyes until time stops and reality checks in to remind me that life hasn't...

romance

man Lord! you...you are romance in its finest form...
romance in its most embarrassing, uncontrolled and spontaneous form...
red roses of passion...thousands of candles don't display the heat and flame of your desires for me...
....my chest aches for the one i love...
...i unbearably long for the presence and response of the one i love...

forgive this wandering heart of mine...
forgive the weak adulterous in me...
forgive me when i don't trust your profession of passion...

oh the way that you look at me...and search my soul with your piercing eyes...
they way you take me by the and firmly and lead me to your chambers
the way you lay yourself bare with vulnerability and express the secret longings of your heart...
the way you embrace me with a vigor that seems to have been locked away for a thousand years and has finally been freed....
...take me now, Lord...

your love inflames the core of my being...
.....the deepest parts of my mind you have explored...
the most sacred places of my heart you have fought for and won...

oh my Lover...
my sweet knight and prince...
my own heart can't contain this rebellious obsession....i want you.

and when darkness and death come knocking at our door...may i pull the covers of love tightly around me and cling to the chest of my Lord....