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i am an RN. It's official.

surprisingly the job i have now counts as my internship so all i have to do is send in the papers and they'll be sending me back my license. incredible.

i feel slightly accomplished. but i know i have no experience so i'm not exactly much worth to the world at the moment. i've got some schemes laid out, but i really can't decide on which one to take. it'd be nice if someone would send me on my way with directions and instructions. it'd be nice if they would be the ones to pick me up and take me in after a few of the many dreams of adventure are over with. or just tell me to wait and they'll include me in theirs. the latter is my preferred option, but who am i kidding? i have a tough time thinking that'll ever come through. so...aside from that i must decide what's best for me. me. is it going straight into the workforce, gain valuable experience for 3 years, and then onto missions. or is it going off on a mini-adventure, gain some overseas experience in medicine, and then return to finish my studies and get 2 1/2 years experience. i'm leaning more towards the latter.

i'm really trying to seek the Lord about it... i've been getting to know Him a little more. i'm reading Donald Miller: Searching For God Knows What. it's brings to light some obvious ideas in the actions of humanity and i find it fantastic. why i do what i do. it just makes sense to me. it also magnifies the whole idea of intimate relationship above our quick and logical step-by-step religion. which takes about 1000 pounds off of my shoulders. i'm so tired of feeling guilty because i don't look the same as everybody else. i just want a relationship with the one who made me...not a quick out to heaven or awesome powers.... i want someone to hold me when i'm sad and set things straight when i'm confused. i want a Man i can call on and count on....someone who'll let me love them...and be loved by them....someone who's interested in knowing me...i'm discovering again that that's who He is... of course there's more to Him, but for now... i just wanna be....

and i'm learning some of the things He doesn't have to be or isn't, too... the cold hard step-by-step path to peace and suffering. the only structured logical decision if we want success. the list of have-to's and don'ts. he's more flexible than all that. more intimate and more open. he's more available than santa clause. and he's more interested than new friend. he's hungry to sit and be along side our up and down roller coaster of life. he likes you.