Thursday, October 21, 2010

one minute

good morning world.

can i see you different today.

scrape off the scrap

that might not hold me back

but wears me down.


through sewn cathedral windows

around the world we go

you grace over me

somehow drunken by twilight


tender pangs of lust

for love i can’t own

i’ll let you have a piece of me

so i won’t feel alone


so close to freedom

to my skin holding in

then my flesh betrays me

i’ve lost control again


scraps scraps i pull together

guessing on the pattern as i go

you overlook my creations

you want deeper things, i know


so here’s my body here’s your prize

i’ll get lost, i’ll close my eyes

warmth...warmth for one minute

for one minute you love me.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

i've been cutting fabric for my next quilt.














caught myself in the blade. :(



























went waterskiing with the family the other day. my time to shine. i finally got up! :)







and i don't think i'm ever going to be able to talk politics with my family.

Monday, September 27, 2010

quench

volumes of those archaic days get opened now
the dust billows off like snow
my sight is laced with days of old
traditions rise. traditions i used to know
feelings familiar with hope
wrapped in snugly in a love soaked cloak
i tremor from the test of reality
despise emotions to get the best of me
but you feel so real you see
and i can only hope
it's as true as you say it is.


Monday, September 13, 2010

new dress



made this for an xavier rudd concert this last week.

Friday, September 10, 2010

ali

My roommate's father is an aged, tall (but not as tall as my own father) Persian man of confidence. In the photos I've seen, he's dark: with dark eyes, dark hair, and a rather strong, powerful stature resonates through the worn ink...making you feel as tho, if he were standing over you with that same stern look, your own future would feel very dark. I was a bit nervous about meeting him and cleaned my house rather frantically in the 2 hours I had to prepare for his arrival. He would come in the night while I was at work. I would meet him in the morning or at some point during the evening of the next day.

I ended up getting sick at work that night...so I came home rather miserable...and went to sleep rather thankful I saw no one in between the door and my bed...and also hopeful that no one would be in to wake me, until I either died or came alive again.

I forget our initial conversation. It must have been me explaining my current position, or him requesting some such of information about our house and the placement of things. He came do do work for his son, after all.

I ended up coming alive that first day and we spent an hour or so discussing who we each were and where we each were going. He was the accomplished man I thought he was, having overcome and conquered obstacles many of us will never know, he is now able to serve and assist the dear family he values most. I was pleased that he accredited his wife with the responsibility of keeping him so healthy and well. The conversation ended with quite a long spiel about me never giving up on what I truly want out of this world. I was hesitant (and later understood why) to tell him during this spiel that of course I never would give up, if only I could figure out what I wanted....because once I let out this truth it led to a new spiel. One more excited on knowing yourself.

Unfortunately, I spent the majority of the first 2 days we had together in bed, sick, and sleeping. On occasion he would wake me to ask a question, once to offer me a sandwich he purchased for me at the local market store, a few times just to see if I was still living. He was very kind and gracious and carried himself in a much softer, quieter, more gentle position than his son. As opposed to the idea that he may find me lazy, he encouraged me to rest. "Rest is different than laziness."

Once I could stand mid-week, I had a quest to prepare a dress for a concert in the evening. He compared my methods of sitting cross-legged on the new Persian rug he brought for us, cutting fabric apart and stitching it together, to his own relatives and ancestors who apparently did "precisely the same." He give me a few tips to a successful completion, tips that turned quite valuable in the end. He said my dress was "beautiful" and looked "pretty" on me specifically. He said I did well.

Then he acted as gentle father and questioned a boy that came to accompany myself and a friend to a concert mid-week.
He proceeded the next day to discuss relationships with me, asking me how the youth of our generation and culture perhaps differed from the youth and generation of his own. We contemplated over how very different boys are from girls, and how they both must take care of their hearts, and not give in to merely picking a spouse because they have "a good body" or are caught up in youthful physical romance. He reflected on his wife being beautiful outside and INSIDE "which is the fact that matters the most."

Ali was very gentle. While he got much done around the house (he's a go-getter) and while on occasion he had a very challenging (nearly overwhelming) speech to give me about achievement in my career and in my education, he was gentle and caring and displayed deep love for his son, for God, and for serving. Ali was gracious, he allowed an unsettling temperament not to disturb him, for in due time that lesson will be learned. Ali was good. I enjoyed his sweet presence in my home. I felt like a little girl with her father near, taking care of her home and encouraging her with his words of wisdom.

At the end of it all, he hugged me tightly and kissed both my cheeks. He told me I was wonderful and he was thankful to meet me and thankful that I was in his son's home. He even said he loved me. Then he left. And now he's gone. My home is my own again, with Ali's rugs on my floor and words in my heart.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

once

you're only here once, you know?
this moment.
this day.
this hour.
we all get second chances, third chances, fourth chances....etc... every new moment is the opportunity to start living out our dreams and begin to make the changes we've "always wanted to" in our lives. our past stays the same though....no chances to change yesterday.
you can go back and fix a seam or a stitch...but even then they've usually left a mark in the fabric. it's best to do it right the first time.
you're only here once.
and once is now.
be patient and put the needle in the right place.

is life so similar to needlework?





i wish we were given an outline whence we came into this world.

Monday, August 16, 2010

to oregon






my dreamland...
with her broad blue sky laced upon the outskirts with fir trees, yellow fields and mountains. where vibrant flowers flourish and rich sweet berries are merely a step away....
her coast, though drizzly and dark, still contains such powerful beauty and strength. i'm overcome with the silent roar of ocean that settles upon me, sweeps around me, drowns out my ideas of what could possibly be beyond it. her coolness pricks my ankles while her distance only grows as i look upon her.

it's odd that i feel so much for a place that is merely a place. people live and grow plants and ride bikes and have their hearts broken and mended and they die... just like anywhere. at times i wonder if my warmth for oregon and the west is merely a fancy birthed from the sweet memories of my youth. perhaps merely a serving of wanderlusting or wanting to be where i am not. you know the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side."

i have accepted that, should i ever again get to call her soil my own, life will not magically become all i could have ever hoped and dreamt for. i have accepted that oregon is not where i will have the supernatural revelation of what my purpose is in the world. i have understood that by merely implanting my being into her lush gardens my heart will not suddenly become whole.

those battles take place in the heart, in the space and energies of life around you, in the moment you find yourself in. now.

but i still love her.