freedom

i know it's never happened to someone like you...you're perfect, of course... but more than once in my life and very often on my path, which i pray is directed as precisely toward God as possible, i have found myself in a completely empty predictament. no hope. where's God? i always have wondered where my mind was at these points of my life. what was i thinking? but there HAS to be some reason i felt this way and thought i had to live in the darkest corners of the barrel...
i confess that even once at the beginning of this year i had the temptation to reject God altogether and run in the opposing direction. life had become so humdrum and caliginous... there was nothing to it...no substance... it was dry and lifeless... i was sludging through with no direction and no goal.. what is the purpose of life? what are we here for? what are we supposed to be doing with our lives?.. i hadn't the clue where to find anything... i was so empty of everything... if you'd looked into my eyes, even in those once in a while worldly happy moments, i wouldn't be amazed if they were dull and boring... i tell you i experienced feeling nothing and i woulda done almost anything to find life again... in fact, i contemplated in my mind many different ways i could perhaps fill myself again.. one night, in exasparation from my desparate state, i made arrangements to do something completely out of my personality...just for the experience...i knew there had to be more to life than this sick, empty, lifeless state and i wanted to find it no matter what the cost... you may not have any clue what i'm talking about... perhaps you're surprised that i might have ever felt this way...perhaps you're feeling the same way right now...i wouldn't doubt it if all of you who read this have experienced living in this state of mind on many different occasions... and, with you knowing that i know what state you're in, i want to exhort you: there IS more... but you won't find it in any woman, man, drug, drink, perverse act or thought, food, television shows, or really much else for that matter... no, nothing this world has to offer has effects that could possibly satisfy us for a lifetime...yes, they can satisfy us momentarily, but there's always a let down... always... so what do we do? how do we get away from this unfullfilling and utterly disappointing life?
well...as i said...i made arrangements to participate in one of those momentarily satisfying possibilities listed above, however, before i found myself able to go deeper into my pit of mire...i found myself in a pew at a small youth service... nothing special... and as i listened to the worship in the beginning...i didn't want to be there...i wanted to leave, get away, run... there was a war raging within me and my entire being was exhausted... i wanted to scream but, as the lyrics of a new song claimed freedom in Christ, all i could do was cry. where was this Lord who promised me freedom and salvation from these miry pits of sin? i was caught in those depths to which we humans, like pigs, plunge ourselves and it seemed hopeless that i might ever escape. my weeping continued through worship... i wasn't able to leave the pew... "i can't do it anymore," my prayers would scream ...my flesh was enraged... but the Spirit of God was doing some overtime attempting to cut Himself through the trash i'd built up in my life... oh, the way He proceeds to love even when we confess our complete unworthiness... i experienced freedom that night... a freedom of unbelieveable joy... the closest to flying i'll ever be... i didn't go to that church to find freedom...i came simple to complete the normal routine of wednesday night, but Christ found me... He saw me... and He met me there... ...He poured Himself over me...and I was filled with an unsurpassed fulfillment...
oh if only i'd forever keep my eyes fastened on the Lord...that's where victories are won... that's where true success is found... there is nothing that compares to the freedom and salvation found in the Lord..
it's even more amazing that He desires us to find this freedom... to have this close relationship with Him, where we can lay everything burdensome at His feet... what forgiveness and unconditional love can be found in Christ! praise Him...praise Him... i never want to turn away... i never want to pull away my cup that's continually being filled with that satisfying, forever-flowing water... the purest, sweetest water...
i tell you: you don't have to suffer... you don't have to want.. you don't have to bury yourself in the darkest corners of the barrel... simply turn your eyes away from the sin that's bound you and ask Him to help you turn them to Christ... and He will meet you there... i promise...
stotrum stotrum for the satisfying taste of the Lord