change...

i'm quiting nursing...

APRIL FOOLS!! (whahahaha)
ok....so on a more serious note... i am fixing to leave this place i've called home for the last 16 years. in 5 weeks i'm moving. the last time i moved moved (i mean away from everything) was when i was 6. it took me until i was 12 to actually like this place. i missed my family. i missed my friends. i know it won't take me 6 years to get comfortable in another place... history has it that i get comfortable pretty quick when i get thrown into new territory (india, north carolina, connecticut, california, etc) but from those places i was always coming home eventually. the longest was around 3 months.

i guess what i'm a little nervous about is... as many roots as i have here i feel like i don't have any. of course, pulling up from my family is going to be painful... but... ok... i'll admit... i just don't think i've made such an impact here that people will notice my nonexistence... ush...that's almost more painful than leaving my family. is my life going to look this ineffective? nonono... i don't know how to excuse it except i've learned a lot of lessons here. have i taught anyone anything? ush.... i guess it's best that i go... i hate leaving something or someplace when i feel i messed it up... or didn't milk it. it always reminds me of north carolina and my "insincere personality." bad feelings.

i think trying to please people is the worst thing i can do.
i think i'm going to stop.