directions

it's again christmas eve... i was looking back on my blogs... i wrote this time last year a slight summary of my reflections over the past year...

it is soon to be 2009.

i remember waiting so long for 2008.
this year...i graduated college...began my first career. ..or the first of my careers...something like that. i put a lot of hope into something that fell through sometime in september... honestly (and somewhat unfortunately) those three things are where the majority of my time, thoughts, and emotions were spent. the Lord's done alot tho... it surprises me that it's been about a year and 4 months now since he rescued me from 'the darkness.' even if, by my writings, it seemed i was closer to him at the end of last year than i am now it is still true that: He is faithful, He is real, and He is always my rescuer.

i think some things i've learned are 1)i don't really know what i want...and 2) a steady prayer life might just be the most essential thing in my life.

i think since i've started my job and become more comfortable in the hospital i realize (or just think) that i'm going to want to study more...maybe public health or tropical medicine seeing as how helping the poor is my goal... i mean...art would be interesting too, to be honest... maybe i could study photography...journalism....geez... maybe i could skip studying all together and finish my year of practice here and go on and start working in the fields of africa or wherever...

the doors are endless...but which one do i want to take? it's unreal....

again, i think looking at all my options and even looking at the options i've taken already only magnifies the importance of a regular and consistant prayer life...if i focus on one thing for the next 6 months i think it should be prayer.

i'm sort of desperate...
i want to know what i was made for...
i want to know Him...