love...

sometimes i wonder if i'm as serious about loving people as i say i am. ...like when it's hard or difficult... i.e. when i'm impatient with the nurse before me if there's extra work and an excuse that's 'not good enough'... or when i hold things against people and can't get over my emotions....

sometimes i wonder if i'm as serious about helping the poor as i say i am... like when i'm unwilling to wake up at 5am to feed them...or just that i don't make more of an effort to reach them. it's weird that i'm so set on reaching the homeless, yet i'm afraid to speak to the ones chillin at a public library...

sometimes i wonder if i'm as serious as loving and living in Christ as i say am... like when i look away from His obvious signs of direction and choose something in opposition to His ways.

i wanna do GOOD. you know?
be GOOD.
i want to be a source of goodness. with a good heart and do good things.
i think sometimes i get lost between the empire of great and the pain of bad.

it would be so nice to always be happy with the choices i make.
somehow i'm so impulsive at times that my head and my heart make decisions apart...one regrets the other... i've never been good at balance.

i'm not sure how to find it either.