Wednesday, March 04, 2009

so many words bouncing around my head

i worked last night. 7p-7a. more like 6:47p to 7:38a. infectious disease nurse. one woman who's been working as long as me might get hired to be an 'infectious disease specialist' in a local clinic. i was kind of surprised. ... i didn't know that kind of status would be available to newcomers like ourselves. kind of impressive. maybe i really am educated with some useful experience.
i get off work and go to get my 6month TB skin test due to our increased exposure on my unit. hopefully i'll remember to get it checked friday. the chance of a positive result is so slim. they should be testing my stool for VRE honestly. i won't go into details of why i'm highly likely negative for that as well.

i got home and decided to accompany the eliptical for a while. took a week and a half off for my birthday from exercising and my tummy can tell. ...i later read about the happenings in the world on BBC News ...i went to sleep thinking there's so much unrest. so much greed. so many technological and medical advancements. so much good that we could do.

i woke up to attend a lecture about sustainability (whatever that means [or meant]) ...

[note to self: >40* = perfectly good bike riding temp]

i think very often when i am faced head on with someone passionate about their cause/issue/beliefs i am also faced head on with some very oppositional emotions to varying aspects of their arguments. i can associate with the feeling of agreement. i can associate with the feeling of doubt, skepticism, or simply uncertainty. i can also be completely clueless. i think all of these are good. i think i can learn from and in all of these emotions.

during this lecture i wrote down words. words like: sustainable agriculture, globalization, capitalism, centralization, earth democracy, greed, poverty. i wrote down issues like: a gas leak in india, and the punjab conflicts. you know, i'm not even sure what all these entail or mean...much less, what they mean to me.

why do we have to internationalize our produce? why can't we grow locally and independently?

i left the lecture and went to a local coffee house for some food and drink... read some of Infections and Inequalities that so stirs me. much of what Dr. Shiva discussed reminded me of the fight of Paul Farmer and vice versa. It's all linked. It seems to be. Agricultural Sustainability. Government-Supported Monopolies. Disputes/Uprisings in Africa. Poverty. Tuberculosis. HIV.

it's like governments are scheming from those most vulnerable...reducing them to poverty so they are more they can be used as tools to be worked until death so that some man some where can sit atop his thrown of "success" and "prosperity."

who's winning here? it seems like there are so many injustices. so many human rights taken away if you don't have 'buying rights' a.k.a. money. who decided someone owns the water? the air? the land? i don't really know the balance of these things, but why are people exploited... used as tools? experiments? as door maps and stepping stones...
where is the outrage that should come with injustice? or maybe just a little discomfort? ...maybe that's where the ignorance comes from... the discomfort. i think sometimes we choose ignorance over knowledge due to the call to action that knowledge might assume or the guilt that comes when action doesn't.

i'm learning so much. from Paul Farmer. from these lectures. from the people of Communality. from the films of the One World Film Festival. there are so many words i don't understand. so much of my faith i haven't linked my hands around. i want to be the change i want to see in the world, and i think i'm learning down the the basics of what that change might be.

i wonder...should i be preparing to go? or do i need to stay...maybe study? patience.

I left the coffee shop buzzing and aroused with incitement. i watched the moon for a bit and remembered i hadn't had time for it in a while. i watched two trains pass eachother. i watched the lights of the city. i pedaled my bike proudly knowing i was getting exercise and not polluting anything, feeling lush in my black coat and earrings.




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