hectic

at the beginning of the month my friend sara visited for a few days. and then my brother did the next week. (i don't get as many projects worked on when i havevisitors....but i still love them)




the week before the 17th i worked my ace off quilting in order to get my gift ready for my good friend's wedding that weekend. we went all the way to alabama to watch her daddy give her away....and dress up in tangerine dresses.

i spent a couple days at the family's house before i came home...

we also went trout fishing :)

which is something i

've been wanting to do FOREVER....we used to go all the time when i was young and i'd really like to do it more often nowadays....and i was just aching for some trout...my sweet

brother and dad (and some old man) caught the

majority of fish...i actually only caught one :) ....and they gave them all to me! so some friends, my sister and i had a great

trout dinner get-together the night after we returned back to the city. really, there's nothing like some fresh trout, mashed potatoes, and sweet corn. *heaven*

.and when i did eventually get back here i brought my 15 year old sister....who obviously wanted to be shown around, entertained, and go shopping. .kind of wish i had been more patient with her ....next time. i just freak out when i spend too much money and don't spend enough time at home reorganizing my world :) .....we did have fun eating sushi and hanging out. i wish she could hang out more often :)

i also discovered this week that i'm going to get to go to oregon the first week of august to visit for my grandpa's 70th birthday party :) ....it's a surprise. and my mom is throwing it. she hasn't been out there by herself just to enjoy for 17 years. ...(she did go out for a funeral a few years ago...does that even count?) ....i'm really excited to join her...she's so fun and everyone loves her out there... it's going to be an event to be remembered forever i think. did i mention i was excited???

...and...one new item on the crazy list. someone is coming with me. i know i've traveled with people i've just met multiple times....this seems like it's a little different...i'm curious to see how it goes.

....i think sometimes when i start losing control of the things around me my world starts spinning a little bit. i suppose a choice i have is to enjoy the spin and trust the force behind it. i need to breathe a little bit. close my eyes and let it roll over me....

the trouble is...my mind attacks and analyzes...and maybe panics a little....

...so far...it all feels good....and right...and easy....and natural.....

don't panic.

breathe, theresa, breathe....and be....

backspace

So... life doesn't have a rewind button. no backspace. no redoes. what was WAS. and what is IS...and then you get to spend the rest of your life making sense of those things that were. (Some people, I feel, are better at this)

There are plenty of options on how to deal with our pasts. One is to rehash the moments, analyze, make a decision, put the bottle cap back on and recycle that moment in hopes of continuing to make choices that lead to such memories....or you make goals to make some wiser thought processes in the future.

Another is to spend hours on your pillow with thoughts trailing through your mind like an ant farm: what if? if only? shit!!

Then there are those things that happen that are out of our control. The only thing we can really manage at this point are our reactions. We can be positive or we can be negative. We can be torn apart and stay that way or we can hurt and heal. We can be obsessed with the other possibilities or we can learn and grow.

What has happened in the last stages of my life have been quite extraordinary. For the most part, I have accepted what occasions came about and have high hopes for my future. For other parts, I suppose there will always be maybe one "if only" or "i wish" or "why?!" lurking about in my shadows.

I caught a glimpse tonight when I found myself saying,

"I wish I could go back and change this"

I'm not sure that I meant that.

The explorer, adventurer, pursuer in me of course meant it. A part of me is always aching for more.

But I've learned so much in the last five months where I find myself. I've learned to accept things for what they were...accept me for what I am...accept it and embrace it. Kiss it on the mouth and love it. And I've felt safe....and secure...and well taken care of. I feel like this is an avenue of life I might not get to walk down very often. I've been blessed in getting to take the time to nurture my interests (quilting, biking, climbing, writing, reading, etc), spend time with my friends and family, and just BE.........i've been blessed in learning that it's okay to just BE.... and in 'being'...in soaking up your surroundings and meditating on truths and on your heart and in absorbing and acknowledging the life that exists around you: there is so much to learn, so much to feel, so much to embrace. I'm just so thankful to get to rest here a while.

Thank you.

vegetable soup

2 small yellow squash sliced

1 medium onion sliced

3 cloves of garlic diced

1 can of beans (i had a mixed variety)

1 can rotel tomatoes

1 large handful of various greens (mostly kale)

~2 tbs oil

~1.5 cup water

~1/2 cup soup stock

~1 tsp cumin

~2 tsp basil

~1 tsp seasoning salt

~1 tsp pepper

i started out boiling the squash a bit

and grilling the onions and garlic in a tablespoon of oil or so

i emptied out enough of the squash water til there was just enough that just a few squash were peeking out the top....maybe 1.5 cups left?

added the onions and garlic to the squash&water

boiled til it was NEARLY to the softness i like...

added the beans and tomatoes (did NOT drain the cans)

threw in seasonings as preferred.

added the kale/greens....

boiled a while...

grabbed a hunk of bread from a bakery

enjoyed. :)

...recycled the cans :)

i'm too young for this...

july 1, 2010

really?

time passes so quickly.

i spend my days rather selfishly i think. maybe not completely.

every other i go rock climbing. every other i run a few miles. i meet friends for dinner. i make dinner for friends. i quilt gifts for friends and family. i help my roommate work on his house.

i slept in until 11 today. and yesterday. and i'm pretty sure the day before that.

i think it's because i've made some new friends that stay up late...talking...and eating.

it's really comfortable here. yesterday i worked for a few hours in my backyard. making a little garden spot.

i'm not quite sure that my tomatoes like it yet, but i'm hoping they toughen up a bit.

would be nice to see them survive.

my other plot in the community garden is doing well.

my spinach has decided that's enough for the beginning of the summer, so i'll be missing those fresh greens. hopefully the kale will survive a while.

i met marianne for sandwiches at the local french deli yesterday. we biked there. i had a beer. we strolled down second street and saw the brilliant houses of yesteryears and daydreamed about what life had been like in them once-upon-a-time. a younger man walked from his mansion to his old car dressed in capri pants and suspenders. i felt like i stepped back a few decades.

i went to the local theater and watched an old film last night too...

Wild River

it was pretty great. we saw it in color actually. there were hundreds of people there, surprisingly.

i wonder if all this is pointless...

all this domesticity.

i know it won't be for long, but i'm trying to wade in it.

i think learning to be content in all frames of life is important.

i suppose that's what i'm learning....

i'm pretty sure somehow it's good.