hectic

at the beginning of the month my friend sara visited for a few days. and then my brother did the next week. (i don't get as many projects worked on when i havevisitors....but i still love them)




the week before the 17th i worked my ace off quilting in order to get my gift ready for my good friend's wedding that weekend. we went all the way to alabama to watch her daddy give her away....and dress up in tangerine dresses.

i spent a couple days at the family's house before i came home...

we also went trout fishing :)

which is something i

've been wanting to do FOREVER....we used to go all the time when i was young and i'd really like to do it more often nowadays....and i was just aching for some trout...my sweet

brother and dad (and some old man) caught the

majority of fish...i actually only caught one :) ....and they gave them all to me! so some friends, my sister and i had a great

trout dinner get-together the night after we returned back to the city. really, there's nothing like some fresh trout, mashed potatoes, and sweet corn. *heaven*

.and when i did eventually get back here i brought my 15 year old sister....who obviously wanted to be shown around, entertained, and go shopping. .kind of wish i had been more patient with her ....next time. i just freak out when i spend too much money and don't spend enough time at home reorganizing my world :) .....we did have fun eating sushi and hanging out. i wish she could hang out more often :)

i also discovered this week that i'm going to get to go to oregon the first week of august to visit for my grandpa's 70th birthday party :) ....it's a surprise. and my mom is throwing it. she hasn't been out there by herself just to enjoy for 17 years. ...(she did go out for a funeral a few years ago...does that even count?) ....i'm really excited to join her...she's so fun and everyone loves her out there... it's going to be an event to be remembered forever i think. did i mention i was excited???

...and...one new item on the crazy list. someone is coming with me. i know i've traveled with people i've just met multiple times....this seems like it's a little different...i'm curious to see how it goes.

....i think sometimes when i start losing control of the things around me my world starts spinning a little bit. i suppose a choice i have is to enjoy the spin and trust the force behind it. i need to breathe a little bit. close my eyes and let it roll over me....

the trouble is...my mind attacks and analyzes...and maybe panics a little....

...so far...it all feels good....and right...and easy....and natural.....

don't panic.

breathe, theresa, breathe....and be....

july 1, 2010

really?

time passes so quickly.

i spend my days rather selfishly i think. maybe not completely.

every other i go rock climbing. every other i run a few miles. i meet friends for dinner. i make dinner for friends. i quilt gifts for friends and family. i help my roommate work on his house.

i slept in until 11 today. and yesterday. and i'm pretty sure the day before that.

i think it's because i've made some new friends that stay up late...talking...and eating.

it's really comfortable here. yesterday i worked for a few hours in my backyard. making a little garden spot.

i'm not quite sure that my tomatoes like it yet, but i'm hoping they toughen up a bit.

would be nice to see them survive.

my other plot in the community garden is doing well.

my spinach has decided that's enough for the beginning of the summer, so i'll be missing those fresh greens. hopefully the kale will survive a while.

i met marianne for sandwiches at the local french deli yesterday. we biked there. i had a beer. we strolled down second street and saw the brilliant houses of yesteryears and daydreamed about what life had been like in them once-upon-a-time. a younger man walked from his mansion to his old car dressed in capri pants and suspenders. i felt like i stepped back a few decades.

i went to the local theater and watched an old film last night too...

Wild River

it was pretty great. we saw it in color actually. there were hundreds of people there, surprisingly.

i wonder if all this is pointless...

all this domesticity.

i know it won't be for long, but i'm trying to wade in it.

i think learning to be content in all frames of life is important.

i suppose that's what i'm learning....

i'm pretty sure somehow it's good.

camping

wednesday sara and i went camping. i was in charge of most supplies and food. i ended up spending a lofty amount on supplies...but hopefully they'll be things that last me longterm.
we went to RRG and took our time the first day exploring.
Indian Staircase.
Half Moon Arch.
Those were my favorite of the first day.
Gray's Arch was my favorite of the second.
I found that the "unofficial" trails were MUCh more exciting and entertaining...even among those I found myself climbing up the more difficult areas rather than following the cut out path. There were a couple places I felt my fear rise up. Standing 15 feet or more off the ground and swinging myself across, my fingers holding onto one stone and my feet resting unassured on the inclined stones beneath me. Sara didn't follow me everywhere but that's probably a result of wisdom. I just like pushing myself....challenging myself.... knowing that if I make one wrong move I could slip, get a little hurt, break a leg. Most of the places i put myself to this test would only lead to (at worst) a broken leg.....it's so excited tho! in the face of such possible danger! i really felt exhilarated when I crawled around a 2-3 foot wide ledge anywhere between 30-50 feet from the cave floor. *sigh*.... adventure... risk... love...

We camped at Half Moon Arch the first night. It was a challenge to go up the cliff the first time....but I scaled it again alone at sunset to watch the lights go out over the landscape and some of the stars peep out. It was brilliant. And later that night some fellow campers hauled in next to us. They decided to take a late night stroll and climb up the Arch...which I probably knew wasn't the best idea, but couldn't help but join them. I'm glad I did, too. It was so black. We climbed out to the furthest ledge and sat in a little dip of the stone. There was so little surface that the night's light barely reflected off the surface we were sitting on....just a scant haze of grey a few inches around us and the stones faded off into blackness. All around us a line of blackened trees/hills created the horizon line....where a slight glow began and then faded off into an indigo night sky scattered with stars and satellites.
No worries...no one got hurt...thankfully...

All in all, I'm proud of myself. Sara and I set up camp. I built the fires while sara would gather more wood. I cooked and sara enjoyed (at least she said she did!!) It was a great learning adventure and I'm looking forward to the next time, which will only increase my backpacking/camping skills.

oregon day

it's a very oregon day outside.
rainy...grey skies...green everywhere....

i get so lost in moments.
i feel lost often.

like, what am i doing here?
where else would i rather be?

i'm sure i let my emotions get the best of me far too often.

i do like lexington...
i'm not sure i love my job, but i do love the hours.
i've been enjoying all the free time i have to read write draw cook create etc.

just wish there was a map to figure all this stuff out.

today, i went to a yoga class, to harvest some greens from my garden so i could have a salad at work tonight, did some laundry, and came home to cook a dinner of vegetables, curry&spices, and canned salmon...mmm....

there's something very good about this.

nap...then...work.

dear world...

perhaps i should be happy with having a consistent life. i do love my apartment. with my lopsided hardwood floors and pretty curtain in the bedroom/living room. i love my red sheets on my queen loft bed. i love my photographs and colorful lamps...and even the kitchen, with it's fancy countertop, unleveled refrigerator and studio lighting. i really enjoy riding my teal nashiki bicycle to my amateur garden. i enjoy going to the coffee shops or parks to read and sip the goodness (even if the baristas look at my funny when i order extra shots of caffeine and caramel). i love living on my own, washing my own dishes...those antique carnival glasses i got from the peddler's mall...and the brown tinted glass dish-ware i guiltily purchased from evil wal*mart. waking up to some angus&julia stone early in the morning and sitting in my green cushy love seat next to my brown book-filled shelves covered in blankets given to me by my family and confiscated from south african airlines. i really love all of this. those things.

i'm an hour and a half from my family...the best family. ...the best of friends are only a phone call away. i have a great job...i have very interesting people around me. some who would have more to do with my life if i let them in...some who i'd love to let them have more to do with my life...maybe...

who could do this their whole life? haha...lots of people. most people.

most people stay in one place... they do this. this consistent life.

perhaps i'm absurd for wanting to move. to travel. to explore. is that what i want?
i feel....sad...thinking my nomadism could separate me from the friendships i've formed. people can't rely on someone so inconsistent, can they?

i've been thinking of studying more...getting into an RN-BSN program. ....not exactly at the top of my list, but i figured now was the time...i have perfect opportunity to study more....it would really encourage a stable life...at least for a year anyways.

why not?
i'm just not sure it's exactly what's right for me. it makes sense, but....

...i suppose the things right now on my heart...the things i think about often...are:
1. Oregon...oh, oregon....
2. London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine: Tropical Nursing Diploma Program...i've always wanted to study abroad.
3. learning medical spanish in South America.
4. Primitive Camping... would love a long trip.
5. Cycling...longer distances than around town

I think those are some of my main interests....4 and 5 can be involved in any of those first 3 really...

how can i make this happen?
my contract is up sept 15th. ...save money until then.
i could take a month off to go to volunteer in Chile or some other place of need...(or not)
I could come back and do travel nursing in Oregon or Cali until February of 2011...then go to London for 4 months to study abroad.

this sounds so much more exciting than studying for a degree i'm not sure i care about in a place i love but am not entirely eager to remain in.

the big catch:
probably an ironic, silly one:
probably He's laughing at me....but...
would GOD rather have me stay here to learn something about consistency, stability, LIFE.....?
or would HE support me to run wild, chase ideas down, and live precariously...?

hmmm....

hahaha...hopeless.

big day.

today....
woke up at around 830....am.
planned a bike route.
rode to my garden.
watered my garden.
rode my bike via bike-route-out-of-my-ass (a.k.a. not according to plan)
stopped in fancy neighborhood to photograph the flowering trees.
stopped at sign saying "book store open to public" at an opening in an ugly warehouse building.
didn't have cash, so continued biking.
returned to my garden.
took photos of my new sprouts towering ~0.5cm above the earth's surface.
rode home.
cooked lunch for david and i.
went to babysit miracle and felix for the brown's.
changed more diapers in two hours than i have collectively in six years.
rode home.
surfed the internet/caught up with some friends/etc.
went to the coffee shop.
read more of "Anna Karenina"
spoke with ex-coffee house crush.
rode home.
watched two romantic comedies.
the end.


it's kind of weird how so many of the things going on in my life point back to relationships. Leo Tolstoy's book...marriage, attempt of marriage, fucking marriage up.... last night david brought up relationships and wanted my input about them... well, of course watching two romantic comedies gets you thinking about relationships as well...