update

i never even updated you that i've finished my BSN.

• Volunteer in Africa : CHECK
• Move to Oregon : half CHECK
• Obtain my DTN @ LSHTM: CHECK
• Finish my BSN: CHECK
• Two years working in an ER: CHECK

5 year goals ALL (mostly) complete. (If you remember... the move to Oregon ended in my car getting stolen along with everything I owned stuffed inside...tragedy...but not really)

Here I am...STILL in Kentucky. Holed up with a fellow RN in the most beautiful home I've ever lived. Dating a gorgeous mountain man from CO who happens to be an ER rezzie alongside me. Who knew I'd actually find a man who likes vegetables, bikes, and mountains as much as I do.

I'm thinking of writing a novel.

tomorrow's goals:

wake up and be productive!!

fix flat bike tire
get oil changed
go on bike ride
get haircut
finish laundry
complete online quiz for school
see erica
enjoy the sun

optional:
go for a run


...just one more episode of new girl...and one more glass of wine...
 

love

i lie my head against you 

and it feels as secure and strong as the earth

after each new conversation

it's as tho my whole soul has given birth

to something fresh and light

brighter than those colorado days you tell me about

clearer than oregon waters

more profound and moving than mountain peaks

you're the height my heart seeks

"i miss you more than the mountains," you say

and yet, to see me you have to wait less than a day

"you make me feel like i know where i'm going"

and i cry because it's true

i'm in love with you

fcuk

You know what…

I owe my mom a lot of money

I’ve usually paid it off in a month..

And I’m inlove with this guy

And 3 days is enough to make me explode

All those pent up emotions

from the days my dad failed

to the days of now

fuck

sowhat, you feel the same

act like it

and im emptying out what I have

to meet you somewhere

 between there and now

I calm the fuck down

To meet you somethere

And know I want to. 

Gah!

I think I'm blind, deaf, and dumb when it comes to men:

Poem

In light of this new eve

The end of autumn's breeze

Torn from a resting place

Brought to this empty space

Shattered yet strong and new

Eager for life to brew

Must I break mourn so soon

To crumble after a silver moon 

And amidst this winter chill

Can warmth be found still

Warmth, pure, kind and sweet

A shelter from this frozen seat

Stop trying

Stop dying

Rest in the quiet places

Build up those safer spaces

Hide within the good and gold

Seek out the pure and bold

Give in

Give in to the good

Oh lord, what's happened?

It's gone.. The last 11 months... Gone like they never came. Did it happen? Did I really meet some random guy (not so random) in a bar and somehow it worked for 8 months?  Did I really have so many romantic and fun weekend adventures in Baltimore with her glittering soil, Delaware the sea I never saw, and Virginia hiking and such glorious weddings!? Did I meet a sweet black and brown dog named Thomas Jefferson and a grey cat named something equivalent to Pretty Mister Shiny Rainbow Sparkles "Bo" for short? I miss them!! 

I mean.. Unless they were dreams... These sweet remembrances that have me missing the fun of them sometimes..the sweetness..those warm hugs and the purest kisses...

Gah!

I'm 9 months to the end of my 2 years of ER experience and obtaining my BSN. What will I do? Well.. Today while cycling on a stationary bike with a computer screen in front of me and a coastal highway scene moving along on my imaginary ride I started lusting after Oregon...

WILL SHE EVER GIVE THAT UP?!?

...likely not. 

And so... Who knows. Who knows what.

I need to stop buying clothes tho that's for damn sure. No need for pretty dresses without any handsome man to take you to weddings and fancy dinners. *sniff*

And so the adventures continue!!!