parents exit stage right

with fall break looming in the near future, a friend and i begin planning a road trip to Kansas City, MO to visit the IHOP (international house of prayer)...however...our plans didn’t fall through and a lot of baggage went with the very idea of going... so i was left a little bit disturbed...my plans for fall break just weren’t blooming as I expected...
i went home to do some laundry in preparation for the ex-trip...there I was: home alone in the dark with a load of laundry being separated from all the filth within their threads... my family had left with no warning and four empty boring days were rising in front of me... wasn’t exactly my idea of a great beginning... so i called up some friends...i knew they had no lives for themselves so they’d prolly be interested in becoming a part of mine...(that was a joke) thank goodness they were up for driving out to the boonies to watch a movie and hang out...
so half an hour later i get a call “umm...we’re lost” ...of course, they would attempt the more difficult way to my house... it was good though ...gave me a little extra time to spend with my Jesus... nothing like spending sweet time with the one that you love...
well... they arrived some 30-45 minutes later... i was kind of excited...i love having people over... we started watching a movie..hmm..interesting movie.. Farris Beuler’s Day Off (I’m guessin i spelled it wrong)...my roommate came not long after and was able to enjoy most of the show with us... i liked the movie for the simple fact that it was completely random... those kind of shows are pretty humorous... but really.. what else can i say about it? i just don’t know how you can expect me to go to school on a day like this...
the night proceeded into many different things.. pillow frenzies...(unexpected puffs of cotton shoved in your face randomly throughout the night), rounds of hide-n-seek (one round took 45 minutes... i would say i’m a good hider, but...ahem...helps when the seeker proves blind...woulda took longer but somebody put on their quitter pants, assumed i was a cheater, and attempted {failed} to trick me into hiding for no reason...it’s okay...i forgive you...[insert squinty eye smile here]), full-fledged attacks on one another (yeah, ticklish there..and there...and there...oh yeah, there too...and there), christian-style truth or dare (where you actually have daring dares, like sticking your hand in the pirana tank...none of that icky licky dirty stuff...), we watched a Goofy Movie (huhyuck huh huh huh), and in the midst of all this fun we got to know each other more so than before...i consider it one of the bigger blessings ... it’s hard to clearly remember... my mind gets a little groggy at 6 in the morning... but sometime during the wee hours of the morning...the conversation was of God... and it made me really happy...the inside-smiling-peaceful kind of happy that you get when the world seems to stop, you look around...and everything’s beautiful....stotrum
i’ve been blessed by the hearts of these people... being able to see and love the Christ in them... what can i say? i’m blessed...
we ended up staying up all night... ate breakfast back at campus around 7:30 in the morning... first time i’d eaten breakfast since i came to college i think... it was pretty good...biscuit and gravy is the bomb.... wow... what a wonderful day...
stotrum for the friends in our lives who make happy days happier... and for family vacations

turning tides

pretty tiresome day...
woke up...ate like two bites at lunch because a nice guy stopped by to "chat"... had to go to class a lil late...learned so much bout the old testament while watching a friend doze off into his textbook... so graceful... aced the test tho...stotrum... 101 outta 105... i'm brialliant.. then onto college algebra where the teacher took a point off my 86 out of a 100 test because i didn't put the dollar sign in the answer... man, will i ever make it in life? then to work... i really love those kids... today i chucked up 15 dollars for a magazine so some girl scout could win one of those cheap prizes that aren't worth bellybutton fuzz... i guess it was worth it .... :) ...then after work i had a conversation with a friend that i didn't completely understand, but after discussing it and stuff...i dunno...left me a bit under the weather i think... i wonder why a guy wouldn't want to fight for a girl if he thought she was worth it....or why he would give up so easily when just a few weeks ago he considered her "precious"... hmm...dinner swung around... yummy surprise cafeteria food... i think i eat there just for the socializing part... and back to the dorm where i wasted away an hour of my life here at the computer trying to figure out how i'm supposed to get my pic on here...
then for a pretty awesome night...
praise the lord...time for the movies... so a friend, my roommate, and i all hop into her jeep, speed off to the guys dorms to pick up a couple more friends, and head for the movies... we watch one of the most awkward movies, which leaves me speechless with its absurdity.... the forgotten was interesting enough, however, with all the bad acting and illfitting scenes i wouldn't mind forgetting it... ha. i guess my favorite part would have to be when the cop lady is like, "i believe you...everything..i believe you!" and then from out of nowhere she's sucked into outer space...hmm... majorly unexpected...entirely out of place... ...so after the movie we drive to green county in search of the long lost dumesis (?) restaraunt, however, after finding it's closed...we head to the popular hang out spot: bells...where we grab some donuts and SPEED to the park... err.. not so much speed...micah was driving after all (drives as fast as a constipated turd)... so we're at the park long enough to swing a few rounds and enjoy the somewhat warm night air...but as fate would have it a cop car pulls up and informs us the park is closing and it's time to go...sooooo of we go...where? first to kim's house (sleeping! imagine that at only 12 am!) and then through the slippery back roads of kentucky destination: mannsville. we arrive at my home and explore the inside and chill for a bit at the bar, but with our minds drooping i knew it was time for more exploration, so.... into the barn...where we spent at least 2 hours chilling in the rv discussing old time cartoons, partying in the bed (we're PURE, people!), and making light of the tempers of our fathers... so somewhere around 3 am...i recognize the pitter patter (actually a ROAR) of rain on the tin roof of this building and we all sprint to our shoes like sprint telephone service operators... (we remembered we left the windows down in the jeep..oops)... so quietly across my dark, deserted lawn so as not to disturb my sleeping parents, into the jeep and off to the dorms...and into our beds... quite the night really... i'd probably do it again, if i ever have the chance :)
so the day ends...so many things to be thankful for...so many things He's given me and blessed me with... stotrum stotrum for He is good...

those judgemental glances

hmm.. i've found that one of the most hurtful and angrifying things in the world is for someone (a friend usually) to assume that i might judge them for something that they do, struggle with, are addicted to, blah blah blah. for instance, one day i glanced out our dorm room window and recognized a friend and, as i began to pull it open, i realized he was smoking...kinda surprised me...i had no idea he smoked...and i laughed because here i had no clue and wondered if he'd been at it all the while...or if he was just experiementing... but...i yelled his name and laughed, "what are you doin? i didn't know you smoked!!" ....it doesn't sound like anyone was laughing by the words i typed, but let's just say you could hear the humor.... well, instead of being like 'doh here i am,' he hid the cigar out of reaction and kinda laughed a little nervously back "what are you talkin about?"...he looked a little embarrassed..maybe a shot of shame... ugh it hurts me, because i don't understand why someone would think that i could love them any less just because they have a bad habit... needless to say i kinda got on him for it, "!!! i don't care if you smoke!! i mean..i don't want you to die, but i love you regardless! i can't believe you'd think i wouldn't!" i'm not sure if he got the message or not...
i guess it shouldn't be a surprise that people hide the bad habits in their lives... the church err...many christians today have made it obvious that if you're doing wrong they're going to preach at you until you change your ways. i hate the judgemental assumption though that just because i'm pretty serious about God i'm going to be judgemental. they're doing the same thing that they get angry with other people for: judging, labeling, stereotyping. ugh some people might judge..many people do, but it's ME! i don't care if you've backslidden so far you can't get up, i love you i love you i love you...and putting out your cigerette out before i notice, or acting like something else to be accepted...isn't going to change the fact that i could care less about who you are trying to be... i just want to know who you are...
it really doesn't make me so angry as much as it saddens me. it aches me that i know people who feel they have to be something else in order to be accepted. they feel they have to believe what everyone else believes, and hide what they do if it doesn't add up to what goes on around them. i guess that's one of the problems in the Body today... too many people are hiding their "booboo" and if they share, the church gets mad and instead of carressing the wound they slap on a band-aid and send them on their way. this happens not only to christians but to the lost as well... the lost come in for some care and we stick up our noses and ask them to cleanse that wound a little before they come near our holy selves. there's a lost, dying, aching people out there and we're worried about seeing a little drop of blood fall on the sanctuary floor or perhaps getting a tear stain on our shirts.... shewt... we're never going to see the Body glorified.
how about we all stop giving out those judgemental glances... i'm not gonna judge the lost, nor the found... don't either of you judge me... i'm doing my best to follow Christ and heck..i may mess up, but i'm gonna forgive you...forgive me... nobody's just like anybody else...
God forgive us... fill our hearts with a sincere love for all people in all situations of life... and let people know who i am and to whom i belong by the way that i love...

what's 'beautiful' anyway?

the purpose of this entry begins sunday (maybe saturday) afternoon.... like i said in my previous entry, i'm a pretty casual dresser, however, this weekend i've had a slight change of style and i guess it caught people a little off guard. my normally straight unkempt hair transformed into shirley temple curls...i traded in my everyday t-shirt for a somewhat fitting black top with a shimmery, lacy tube top looking thing underneath... my baggy ill-fitting boy pants were disgarded for some nice dark-grey dress pants...and my scrappy, brown flipflops were replaced with knee-high boots with 3-inch heels... not to mention i even used a little more make-up than usual...
well, the comments i received deemed the new attire pretty acceptable... yes, i think i recieved more compliments in the last two days than i have in my entire life altogether... for instance, yesterday, while attending a very good friend's ordination service, i found from a reliable source that i was noticed and questioned about by more than one person of the opposite gender (4!).... i still am not positive how that makes me feel. i just don't understand why they'd ask about me... ...hmm...i like it that nobody hit on me or tried to 'pick me up'... or anything like that... just asked about me... kind of sweet... really encouraging too.... except for the fact that nobody(that i know of) has ever asked about me when i'm dressed in my baggy pants and loose t-shirts... can't i be beautiful in those things too?
hmm... maybe the whole world doesn't see simply your looks... tonight, as i was walking down the road having a little bit of a conversation with God, a friend pulled up and we spoke for a sec, but then he said, "has anyone ever told you you're beautiful? ...i just wanted to leave you with that." and then he sped away... it was completely unexpected...i was wearing some baggy, ski-looking pants and a sweatshirt...i'd been walking for a while and it was drizzly so my hair was just a tad out of sorts... how can i be beautiful in those things too? i had tears in my eyes when i thought about it right afterwards...why? (besides the fact that it was unbelievably sweet and surprising) i really can't see what other people see... i mean...i wouldn't call myself ugly, but can i call myself beautiful....? hmm.. it doesn't matter so much i guess...it shouldn't .. maybe i really don't understand what beautiful is anyway... the world measures it by your outward appearance and the Lord measures it by your heart and christians have messed with it until it's something in between.... i wonder if my heart is beautiful to God?... so often i find myself accidently wishing He would tell me i'm physcially beautiful, and He whispers, "silly girl, your outward appearance has no affect on the way i see you... it's your heart i'm after... i'm in love with your heart.." it just seems even christians have bought into the lie that you have to look and dress a certain way to be accepted... and in doing so they only accept people that look the part... ugh.. i really do struggle sometimes with identifying who i am with what i look like even though i know they really have no comparison...*sigh* the thought processes of the modern christian woman deal so often with sifting out the images the world has attempted to label her with...and replacing them with the thoughts Christ has of her.... oh, the satisfaction that comes in realizing what God Almighty looks at you and sees.... i am the most beautiful, intricate, uniquely designed creation which He knows by name and calls upon to hear His voice and do His works... stotrum stotrum for He is good and awesome, and the Lover of my soul... ...and when He looks at me, my heart is all He sees...

these our the days of our lives

honestly, i've never seen that show, so perhaps my assumptions are wrong, but i've always related the phrase to those days that i deem deserving of outstanding theme music and slow motion video shots. the past two days have been such for me; the days of my life. I wouldn't say they've been the absolute two most perfect days ever...that's definitely not the case, however... i would say that they have been, shall i say, satisfying for me..not just in the events that took place, but the lessons i learned as well.
now, for the most part, i'm a pretty casual dresser who loves to wear pretty baggy clothes and t-shirts... but homecoming occured this past weekend for our school and i was blessed to be able to take a part in it as he Freshman Attendant, so i thought it might be interesting to make a little change...at least for a day. did a little make-up playing and primped up my hair.... no sweat... a little awkward though because...who am i to dress like a lady? and who am i to walk like a woman? ...for some reason, although i don't usually admit it, i enjoy putting on those feminine clothes which impress upon me to bounce with enthusiasm while i walk with purpose and sureity. odd enough, i think i can actually pull it off sometimes... and one of those times was this weekend, if i may say so myself...
homecoming was a definite success...my brother as escort and i as the attendent walked pretty awkwardly onto the field...err..our feet didn't line up...but i really didn't think it was that big of a deal. then, in attempt to pull a smooth move, he caught me off guard and i, in attempt to follow him, ended up on the wrong side of him, so standing off to the side as other girls were announced...we had to switch. 1...2...3...go... it worked out okay...then we realized we weren't precisely at the position we thought we might supposed to be so 1...2...3... we backed up slowly and steadily....i'm sure out of nearly 1000 people not too many noticed us correcting our mistakes...
then it was on to the homecoming dance... in a new outfit of course consisting of silk maroon pants, black top, and cord jacket.... honestly, i felt perhaps a tad overdressed upon entry, however, as i walked through the flowing streamers that covered the doorway and witnessed the people giving way on the dance floor, the uneasiness left me and i began an attempt to find some recognizable faces.... the difficulty of this feat was tremendous, considering the entire gym was filled with a measly group of maybe two dozen people max.... after the extent of perhaps thirty seconds (amazingly) i found some friends and made some simple greetings; hellos, how are yous, hugs, etc..
as i stood amidst the rounds of socializing, i was soon approached by a friend of nearly a year who surprisingly had some something meaningful to say. not that he would be incapable of saying meaningul things...just that he would...to me specifically. after a friendly hug and some light, friendly carresses, such as a squeeze of the hand, he confessed that he thoroughly enjoyed my presence on campus and priviledged me with being known as a "light of the world." i was unmistakably blessed by these words of encouragement and, in fact, a bit stunned. i really had nothing intelligent to say back, but made an effort ...pretty much failed... i'm not so good at those awkward moments where i know i should say something, but really don't have a clue what to say... but i did thank him and mentioned that it meant a lot that he would say such things... i'm hoping he got the idea... he sure does love the Lord a lot and i thoroughly enjoy talking to anyone who loves the Lord...it would be an interesting venture if he allowed me into his thoughts of God....
the dance was not so pleasurable to me as i'm sure it was to some people. the vulgar secular music that blared hideously out of those speakers isn't usually the first on my preference list and, after discussing with a friend how compromising it is for us as christians to dance and play to something completely contrary to our beliefs, i took it upon myself to leave. there was really only one place that i knew i wanted to be at that moment and it was in the little chapel on my knees before my loving God... so off i ran, free and light in the chilly, quietness of the night.... i threw open the door, flipped on the lights..and as the door swung itself shut, i plunged myself to the foot of the cross.... peace...Complete Peace... the kind of peace i can only find in Christ... a flooding, overwhelming, wonderful peace that comes only when i am completely transparent with Him... but it was so relaxing...spending that time with Him as i would any other friend...
this day ends with the happy praiseful tunes of Blessed Be Your Name fading out into the background...stotrum for all the wonderous works He does...


theresahomecoming