prison

tonight i stood in a patient's room a little longer than i suppose i usually would. i had some moments. i was just making rounds to make sure things were going okay. i told him happy easter and he was surprised that easter it was. he asked me if i had kids. i said no. i asked him if he did. he said no. then he lied and i stood in silence for a bit. i looked around. the room got kind of bigger. quieter. emptier. the tv was on, but from where his head was on the other side of his mound of a belly he probably couldn't see it at a great angle. the sound wasn't up much anyways and it seemed like it was on an infomercial. here he was just lying there. unable to move to scratch his nose, much less wander about the small room. i wonder how it would be to lie and stare at the ceiling or walls for hours with no one around consistently but techs and nurses in and out throughout the night. how isolated that must feel. how separate he must seem. it would be so easy to be come detached from the spaces around you.

i stood with him offering what presence i could muster. hoping he felt my attempt to 'be' with him for a moment.

and then so and so called out for pain medication and i knew whowho had a med due half an hour ago, so i squeezed his hand and left him to fend for himself in the prison of illness alone.