Sunday, April 11, 2010


my patients...some of them might get better, but not real better.

theirs is a rough, devastatingly painful road to an unpreventable, looming end.

i'm not going to lie, sometimes i just wish they had a better attitude about it.
some people do...some people are obviously suffering and can still conjure a smile and thank you for your care. i appreciate those people. as far as the others go...i don't think i've completely understood how i feel. i feel something strong inside me. a jump inside of me that aches. i ache for them. i can't imagine their emotions.

what's that like?
what kind of emotions would you have facing your end?
knowing there's no bright, possibility-filled future ahead of you? only more suffering until your end....
or if your only option of enjoying your future was having the presentation of your 'conditions' stifled by medications and while you knew your body was dying...and not just that, but so close to death.

of course, we all are dying. even those just born.... but it's not as close for some of us. not as painful. not as sufferable. not as evident in our futures. some of us can put those things away and live as tho we have forever.

some of us have futures and still take on these thoughts of death. living like we're already dead. suffering inside a cave, alone.

oh, soul...see the good.

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