ugh... where are the boundaries? i want to separate myself from the world...i know i’m called to a different lifestyle than "the normal"... does that mean different than non-christians as well as "regular" christians? what is that? i don’t know what it means...i don’t know how it looks...i don’t know how to attain it... God help me... every time i go anywhere i’m frustrated with the when how and where’s of sharing my faith... i can’t look at anyone i don’t know and not wonder whether or not they know Him... i can’t talk to anyone and not wonder if there’s something i could say that might encourage their walk whether they know Him or not... i can’t do anything anymore... the struggle haunts me sometimes... what can i do to be more radical? what else can i give? and instead of throwing myself into each and every opportunity...i feel like i pull away...i’m shy...clueless...cowardly even... ...i want to bleat out that i’ve never had a shepherd to lead me down this crazy, radical path... but that’s no excuse... Christ is longing to use me in an outstanding way... and am i too afraid?
dear Jesus...i have to be obedient...
maybe that’s my biggest struggle...obedience... God is calling... i don’t know how to answer Him all the time... sometimes i do... and many times i think i might shrug it off and say "i don’t REALLY know if that’s what He’s saying..."
God forgive me... help me attain that willing heart, passionate spirit, and fire-eyed love for You... here i am, Lord... teach me to be used...
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you have been used
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