my attempt to cling

how shallow can i become?
i used to have such beautiful depth
pure sweet secrets
enclosed in a heart of pearl
a heart of flesh
and now
cobwebs catch from
stone's edge to stone's edge
and shadows fill the void
-me (june 28, 2007)

this is just an picture of my heart this last year and this summer... it's still so fresh really...so possible....i can still remember the darkness. it scares me. the thought of returning makes me cling to Him... i know the power of deception...the truth of lies.... i know the strength of strongholds... i know the insidious appeal of seduction... i know, if one foothold is given, i can be pulled under.... the life can be sucked out of me just like before....

...and i cringe inside... i would say i refuse but i don't want to be prideful and say it's not possible in me....there's plenty of proof that it's all possible... but i will say that i'll cling tighter to Him in the midst of trials...in the midst of joy...there's really no safe place but in the arms of the Ultimate Lover....

and in those arms is where I know the power of truth.... the devastation of lies... the strength of trust.... the overwhelming passion of God's love...it's only slight comparison being the alluring gaze (and the steel gravity from that) which pulls a bride to her groom... i know what safety feels like. what freedom looks like. what joy sounds like. i know wholeness. and peace.

and when darkness knocks on my door, i'll pull the covers of love close and cling to the chest of my Lord.