A note from the author:
The inspiration for this poem is the book Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge. The poem is about the struggles women feel because of their femininity. As women, we want to feel beautiful, act beautiful and show people our Beauty, as God's creation. However, what I learned from Captivating is that far too often, some women tend go about proving their Beauty (femininity) all wrong—mostly to men. That's when we sacrafice our bodies, our temples for men—even those we truly love. It's the daily purity struggle women face but people don't talk about.
This poem is much more powerful in the spoken word and rhythm rather than just read. The voice is strong yet depserate, proud and fearful all at the same time. I have performed it only once at a local poetry reading in Columbus, OH.
My lips breathe the words I read,
and speak so true to the life I lead,
Day by day, night by night, caught in the moment, everything seems right,
I continue on this way, wondering, searching
with my body, my soul, my heart, my Beauty,
There's so much in me that wants to offer my femininity
I wanna use my Beauty to delight him, captivate him and show him how You
made me,
I yearn to feel the Beauty.
I yearn so much that I give too much, too many, too soon, too fast,
I've toyed and manipulated situations in the past,
to feel that intimacy that only You can offer me
But I admit, I gave too much, too soon, too fast,
that I cannot even grasp the past of hurt, confusion, disillusion, I'm
losing ...
And then I awaken, I arise, I won't buy into the lies
I stop in the pain I've been faking
I've betrayed You, disobeyed You, played You,
used the gifts I've been given
to taint the man I love
I've twisted and bended my Beauty
to obtain that false love that I believe will sustain ... the pain
But pain is what I gain in the forbidden game.
And as I spill forth burning tears of sin,
pain lingers within
pain of pleasure, pain of fun,
my desperate soul cries out ...
GOD what have I done?
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