reality

i can do this. i'm going to do this. in 2 months i will have an associates degree of nursing and i will be preparing to take my boards exam in june... i will be a REGISTERED NURSE in 3 months.
scares the hell out of me...and yet....it's right at my fingertips... it's RIGHT there. it's happening. unbelievable.

you know...i've gone through hell to get where i am. it seems like that anyway. i probably have ulcers in my stomach and i know i have zits on my face because of it. i have cried myself to sleep. i have hyperventilated. i have bitten people's heads off. withdrawn. totally freaked. it's been the hardest, worst, most difficult thing i've ever done in my life...

but when i sit there holding an 86 year old woman's tely cords while she uses the restroom, telling her just to rest and take some deep breaths to help get her O2 up and reassure her that i'll help her back to her bed and i won't let her fall..........yeah it's something simple.....yeah maybe anyone could do it... but i get to. i get to help someone. i got to care about that lady for a moment. not just care for her, but care about her. maybe not everyone who takes care of her cares for her...if you get my drift.. that's worth it to me. that makes all of the hell of nursing school worth it...

and i'm going to pass. i'm going to make it.
THAT is the reality.
i am a good student. and i'm going to be a great nurse.
so kiss my tail.