Tuesday, June 02, 2009

are you really going?


i haven't bought my ticket yet. (still working on savin the funds)
i've got oral surgery coming up...those damn wisdom teeth :)
car insurance, but i'll get some of that back...
still would like a nice camera before i go, we'll see...
i need to save up the money i need to live there..
and there's visa fees and shots i still need to get...

i can't believe i've been living here since last september, that it's been 10 months. i could have had a child by now! :) ... i freaked when i thought i had to stay here a year. but i made it. and i came out with a good years experience and my loans paid off, not to mention a years worth of learning about life and God... thanks, Lord. it's been challenging. at first i was like a fox caught in a cage...and then that panic transforming to accepting to stay and that turning into liking it here...maybe considering staying. but probably won't. actually...i don't know where i'll go after africa.

there's someone who, whenever they see me and africa gets mentioned, they ask, "are you really going?" ...not like: i can't believe it, how could you? ...but more like: really? you're for sure about it now? ........................................................i've been pretty for sure of it for a while. i've been thinking about this trip since last october.

honestly i'm not sure what to expect in my experience of africa. no doubt it will be something i couldn't expect... my experience to india tells me i can't always be prepared for what i'll see... i guess i'm doing my best to go with an open mind, to learn from these people, to learn about their culture, to learn about the healthcare system in a third world country, to learn about the lady i'll be staying with and her life and her family... i don't want to impose on their paths. just come in and tell them how things are done in America. i don't want to do anything but learn and love and hopefully share some of the skills i've learned here in the hospital.

i wonder what loving people in africa will look like... i wonder what people the Lord will ask me to pray for....i hope i hope i hope that He bleeds through me... in love and service, in whatever way He wants. i hope i learn what sort of actions i can take to make a bigger difference in the world, to enlighten people to the injustices that take place, to move people to take action themselves to love people and change the world they live in.

Lord, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for in you i hope all the day long.. psalm25.5

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