not less or great, just different

so i was just watching this movie... The Glass Menagerie... or something... anyways... it was good, but i never finished it. the man was going out at nights to get drunk and get away from the apartment because his mom was a big nag and such, but he talked to his mother apologizing for things he said and somehow their conversations led to him making a statment i could understand:
"mother, you know how you said your heart is full of things that would be impossible to explain? so it is with mine. my heart is full of things that would be impossible to explain. "

so it is with i...... here i am alone in my home with all the possibilities of sorting out my heart and mind and there i was wasting away at the front of a television.. no, i wouldn't have it.. there are better things to do... so i turned off the movie to discover maybe what it is within my heart at such a time as this... where can i organize? where i can i replace and reconfigure? but the words of the man made me wonder...

and i wondered, would there ever be someone that i could honestly relate to wholly as i am as an individual or would i always have to form and mold myself til i get along with another person completely? i wonder... so many people i've met but no one i've connected with thoroughly... completely...utterly... i'm not speaking in terms of man and woman here..this can be a same-sex relation.... i wonder if it's possible... to meet someone completely your match... am i rare? do i forget we are only human? and am i wrong in thinking it possible to meet someone you can connect with on unbinding terms?....

i believe it possible...i've found myself on desperate measures sometimes willing to settle for less just because i haven't found great.... not that the less is bad.. because the less by the world's standards is great, but the less by my standards is...well...less. not saying i deserve great, because i definitely do not... and not saying that the great is better than the less... because it's not.. it's just different... a different which i am willing to stake my life upon... a different which i am willing to wait for... and wait i shall..with all patience and diligence...allowing christ to form me and mold me into something deserving...

it's just that my person will not be satisified by the something different opposed to the somethig i look for... is it rare or am i blind? ....

hmm...i am happy where i'm at.... i will allow christ to form and mold myself for His sake... prepare me for His table...and grow strong in the relationship i have with Him... there really is nothing else that matters... even if i never find that someone that i can relate to and connect with indefinitely i will not feel cheated... for my relationship with Christ is full and rich... He will grant me what He knows is best and will withhold what He knows will hinder my success and my achievements for Him...


so...it is such a time as this...to pursue the Lord...and that i will...

p.s...i love movies where everyone talks in old english... the beautiful accent, the well-thought, poetic words and language...and, of course, the clean cut, ancient, romantic dress of times...for men and women...i love it all...