dear world...

perhaps i should be happy with having a consistent life. i do love my apartment. with my lopsided hardwood floors and pretty curtain in the bedroom/living room. i love my red sheets on my queen loft bed. i love my photographs and colorful lamps...and even the kitchen, with it's fancy countertop, unleveled refrigerator and studio lighting. i really enjoy riding my teal nashiki bicycle to my amateur garden. i enjoy going to the coffee shops or parks to read and sip the goodness (even if the baristas look at my funny when i order extra shots of caffeine and caramel). i love living on my own, washing my own dishes...those antique carnival glasses i got from the peddler's mall...and the brown tinted glass dish-ware i guiltily purchased from evil wal*mart. waking up to some angus&julia stone early in the morning and sitting in my green cushy love seat next to my brown book-filled shelves covered in blankets given to me by my family and confiscated from south african airlines. i really love all of this. those things.

i'm an hour and a half from my family...the best family. ...the best of friends are only a phone call away. i have a great job...i have very interesting people around me. some who would have more to do with my life if i let them in...some who i'd love to let them have more to do with my life...maybe...

who could do this their whole life? haha...lots of people. most people.

most people stay in one place... they do this. this consistent life.

perhaps i'm absurd for wanting to move. to travel. to explore. is that what i want?
i feel....sad...thinking my nomadism could separate me from the friendships i've formed. people can't rely on someone so inconsistent, can they?

i've been thinking of studying more...getting into an RN-BSN program. ....not exactly at the top of my list, but i figured now was the time...i have perfect opportunity to study more....it would really encourage a stable life...at least for a year anyways.

why not?
i'm just not sure it's exactly what's right for me. it makes sense, but....

...i suppose the things right now on my heart...the things i think about often...are:
1. Oregon...oh, oregon....
2. London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine: Tropical Nursing Diploma Program...i've always wanted to study abroad.
3. learning medical spanish in South America.
4. Primitive Camping... would love a long trip.
5. Cycling...longer distances than around town

I think those are some of my main interests....4 and 5 can be involved in any of those first 3 really...

how can i make this happen?
my contract is up sept 15th. ...save money until then.
i could take a month off to go to volunteer in Chile or some other place of need...(or not)
I could come back and do travel nursing in Oregon or Cali until February of 2011...then go to London for 4 months to study abroad.

this sounds so much more exciting than studying for a degree i'm not sure i care about in a place i love but am not entirely eager to remain in.

the big catch:
probably an ironic, silly one:
probably He's laughing at me....but...
would GOD rather have me stay here to learn something about consistency, stability, LIFE.....?
or would HE support me to run wild, chase ideas down, and live precariously...?

hmmm....

hahaha...hopeless.