please....

"i will not accuse forever, nor will I always be angry,
for the spirit of man would grow faint before me - the breath of man that I have created.
I was enraged by his sinful greed; I punished him, and hid my face in anger,
yet he kept on in his willful ways.
I have seen his ways, but...
I will heal him;
I will guide him and restore comfort to him,
creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel.
Peace, peace, to those far and near," says the Lord.
"And I will heal them."
- isaiah 57:16-19

this is my hope...that You would heal me... because i'm tired of healing myself... i know i need to place myself in positions to be healed...to experience Your hand in my life.. i can't remain closed to You and expect You to break through, can i? honestly, i'm supposing You've already done that for me... haven't You? how else would i be where i am now... thinking of these things, doing these things.... i think maybe it has to be You...and Your pulling on the strings of my heart....

i want more.... more hope...less despair....more peace...less panic....more passion...less apathy... more heart...less stone.... more life....less death.....

honestly, a bit of me wonders if i mean it... or if it could be attainable.... so maybe i'm just speaking it .... hoping it will happen... but Lord... i need You to keep loving me....and wanting me...