purpose

i was thinking before i went to class...

why?

why do i care how to start an iv?

administer fluids?

give shots?

recognize signs and symptoms of illness and diseases?

and immediately i saw myself holding a child... ill, emaciated, bones showing through dry, leathery, cracked skin...and eyes glazed over...waiting to be helped...waiting to be cured....

and i imagined not knowing what to do...and feeling helpless.... knowing the cure was simple and obvious, but i couldn't think of it... and needed someone else's opinion...or needed more training... more experience...

is it crazy to want to live a life not for yourself but solely for others?

is it possible to achieve goals you wouldn't necessarily aim for on your own, but the knowledge that lives could be changed if you DID makes you able and willing?

can i forgive myself for feeling so strongly about the need for me to do this and then turning around failing at it?