"christmas"

so i went home saturday night for the first time in a while... it was really late and no one was up when i got home so i snuck up the stairs to my old room, quietly changed into some pajamas, and slid ever so quietly in between my 6 year old brother and 3 year old sister... we used to sleep this way before i went off to college... i slipped my arms around my little sister and held her as close as i possibly could get her without making anyone uncomfortable. i missed this. sometimes during the night i would wake and find my brother cuddled up against me as well. my babies... gosh... at one point i was awakened by a cry for "mom"... and i naturally whispered "shhh" and amanda looked and saw it was me and quit crying, snuggled up against me, and went off to sleep again without any hesitation... they love me :) ... it was so refreshing to be able to hold them for as long as i wanted...err...at least until i fell asleep... just knowing they were near me... *sigh*...
i awoke that morning to the sound of my older brother running around doing something i don't know... he said, "isn't today christmas?" and i was like, "yeah".... but things were different than some of the other times i'd met up with him this year... he came into the room and talked to me... and then he sat down and talked to me for a little longer... about life, love, and most amazingly, what God was doing in his life...i missed him... i loved talking with him... i could see the love and joy of God all over his countenance... i don't think he realizes what he means to me... he's the one that basically led me to be who i am... he stoked a passion in my life for the only thing that matters to me now... he set the example... he led the way and encouraged me along... he's the one i could go to with anything and i knew he'd at least listen... that's how it was up until quite a time ago... nearly a year ago i guess he hit a rough point in his life... i saw it, but i didn't know how to help or what to do about it... i ached though... he wasn't my brother... i didn't know who he was ...and i guess we drifted quite a bit in the last year... some of the hardest but sweetest times of my life... hard, because the one person i connected with about everything didn't seem to have time for me... and sweet, because i found more than enough satisfaction in the Lord... but that morning i saw the brother i'd lost in the way he spoke and in the way he acted...i saw a light in his eyes that i hadn't seen in a while.... *sigh* and it's such a relief... i can't wait to get to know the brother i haven't been able to know it a while... stotrum for the way He heals, forgives and renews like nobody and nothing else...i love Him...