Tuesday, November 23, 2004


lately God's been dealing with me about selfishness... at least that's what i think it is...i' d go to His thrown daily, but usually about me and rarely about my brothers and sisters... and when i did go before Him about my brothers and sisters it was never really in a broken compassionate spirit...i cared, but not enough to really cry out and suffer for them or anything... so last night the preacher at bsu talked about unity...honestly, i wasn't all that affected by it... but i did remember reading psalm 133 the other day which deals with unity.... and last night, amidst the sermon and the music, God brought me back to my bedroom in pastor thudian's house in India... it was hotter than i'll get out and, despite the fact that everything was going well the last few days, i had this weight on my chest and i couldn't figure out what it was...so i prayed... and prayed... and a friend came to mind who was supposedly doing ministry back in the States... so i lifted them up...and as i prayed for them the burden on my chest was lifted...i felt so relieved...so at peace...i can't explain the 180 change... so anyway...i realized the need for intercessory prayer in my life... or moreso of it anyway... and God opened my eyes to the judgemental, unforgiving, unloving spirit in my life... ugh... who am i? i'm nothing without Christ... i'm dirt.... how dare i ever look down...how dare i ever act in such a way ever ever ever again... God forgive me... may my heart break for others as You were broken... may my eyes be torn out and replaced with Your divine ones...so i can see what You see... may i love like You love... may i intercede with a broken heart and a contrite spirit... abba, may i take on the burdens of others in prayer... ...but not that i would love them for their sakes...but because You love them. You delight in them. they are your chosen ones and You desire them. You have a longing for their comfort, attention, their very souls...
amazingly, the moravian daily text that i recieved today led me to psalm 133 again... talking about how unity is so desirable... and in my utmost for his highest i read about having a condescending heart and that when we see weakness in people it is not meant for us to judge them, but to intercede for them... so while i obviously recognize Him stressing humility and intercession in my life, I also see where the unity ties in as well... how sweet it would be if God's children would break down and truly care about their fellow brethren. if we would stop judging people for their minute mistakes, lift them up to the Father in sincere prayers, and encourage them to a higher life. hmm...that'd bring unity

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